Dealing with Your Parents’ Divorce

Some households are separated into two when parents decide to go through a divorce. It happens through reasons such as irreconcilable differences, infidelity and even just too much fighting and anger between the parents.

Both the husband and the wife may choose to lead separate lives with their children’s wellbeing in mind as well as their own. A divorce can put you through a whirlwind of emotions whether it is your own or your parents’. Feelings of resentment, anger, frustration and loneliness are common. 

Physical changes will also occur. Custody agreements will split your family’s matrimonial assets. Therefore, you may have to relocate and change to a new job and/or school to accommodate the sudden change in household income.

Financially, if both parties come into terms, matrimonial assets can be divided equally. In Singapore,

However, in time, you will see that everything happens for a reason. Eventually, opportunities will present itself and open up new doors for you and everyone in your family. Divorce is hard, but it is not the end of your life. It merely symbolises a beginning of a new chapter.

Here’s how you can make it through the long (sometimes gruelling) process of divorce:

Allocate Your Time Wisely

A good way not to get caught up in the trouble of going through a divorce is to keep your time occupied. One way to do this is to get a part-time job. If the divorce is still in the midst of being finalised, it is good to prepare yourself financially. Whether both your parents are working or only one, money will be tighter than usual. Especially with the legal costs and agreements well on its way.

By working part-time, not only are you helping your parents save money for their divorce but also divert your emotions into something productive.

Be fair and keep the peace.

Try to keep the peace between your parents and not fuel them to further rage by taking sides.

Most times when parents get divorced, it is usually when they cannot see eye to eye about certain things that just cannot be ignored. Hear out the story from both sides so as not to have a biased opinion against the other. 

Singapore court will most likely grant joint custody if both parties are innocent and the divorce is uncontested. Therefore, it’s important that parents don’t make it seem as if there are sides to choose from. 

Understand that divorce will solicit unwanted emotions from your parents that may stem from hurt, jealousy, and anger. However, do not feel as if their emotions should be a burden to your own happiness. 

Letting go will take time – therefore, stay neutral and if there are changes in their personality or your own, consider seeing a counsellor or therapist. In order to be happy again.

Keep in touch.

If you decide to live with either parent, do not let your relationship with the other one become non-existent.

Yes, it is tough to go back and forth between homes. Even tougher if one parent decides to move to another town or another country. However, even if you are unable to meet your parent from time to time, a quick message saying “I’m thinking of you” or “I miss you” can make the distance feel less.

Staying in touch through weekly calls and texts can also ensure that you are up-to-date with each other’s activities and ideas.

Talk about the future.

Most children do not think that they have a say in their parents’ divorce. However, to make it less difficult for yourself – you need to be open and talk about your feelings.

If you are concerned about how you and your siblings will split your time between different houses, voice it out.

According to CNBC, many teens whose parents divorce worry that their own plans for the future could be affected. Some are concerned that the costs of divorce (legal fees, expenses of two separates households etc.) might mean there will be less money for college among other things.

Although you might think that they do not need the additional stress of worrying about their future, you need to tell your parents about these concerns. Do not let your worries build up over the years, especially worries that can be solved.

Bring Out the Positive

In any relationship, old or new, there are ups and downs. Divorce may seem as if it is only a one-way street; but in life, change is the only thing that is constant.

Focusing on the good might help you discover that your parents’ divorce is for everyone’s better good. Most teens find that their parents are happier after the divorce as they are able to explore things in life that they never did before.

One thing’s for sure, your family needs you now more than ever. If you feel as if you are alone, just remember that you have your siblings. If you are an only child, do not retreat into a shell and talk to your parents as often as you can.